please take a look..and help me with a title!!

right this was a random story that i'm writing.....I might finish it after i finish crimson horizon or i might finish it before...so yeah...


Chapter 1-

Kachina ran. Behind her a huge, demonic shadowy creature swooped through the forest. Behind the creature was a village, or what had been a village. Now it looked more like a huge bonfire with the scent of death and decay wafting from it. That village had once been Kachina’s home, now reduced to a burning funeral pyre for the dead villagers. That village had once been Kachina’s home before they came. The demons. Overnight the villagers had been slayed by the bloodthirsty lot and then their houses had been set on fire. All except Kachina had been killed in the bloody massacre.

~*~

Kachina shook these thoughts out of her head vigorously and concentrated on running. Beads of sweat poured down her face and her dark brown eyes now had a hunted look. Twice she had tripped over stray roots and cut her self but on she ran. She was determined not to become like the dead she left behind. A loud roar of the shadow demon meant that it was nearby. The demon was gaining speed while Kachina was losing it. She risked a glance over her shoulder to see that she had been right, the demon was now closer, crashing through the trees. The demonic beast was like a cross between a dragon and bat with glowing red eyes like all the fires of hell and lethal looking clawed feet that could rip a human, like Kachina, into pieces within seconds.

~*~

Gasping for breath, Kachina pushed herself to keep on going. Then she stopped. All these thoughts had gone to her mind, now she stood, rooted to the ground with fear, paralyzed by it. Suddenly a wild shriek pierced through the sound of her fast beating heart. Kachina woke from what seemed like hypnosis and turned around to face the oncoming force of darkness that was the demon. She shut her eyes and put her hands over her head. Like it’s going to protect me…Kachina thought bitterly. Now she stood, praying to the gods, waiting for the terrible blow, hoping that it was a bad dream yet knowing it wasn’t……

If you've ever rp-ed with me on the clan you might know that Kachina was one of my rp charries

The only thing I can say is that the only way to improve it is by giving it more tension and mystery. Besides that... what happens next?!!! As for a title, I haven't got a clue what the story's about.

meh, that was a draft, I've improved it..And I've already got a title now...

*ahem*

Title- The Arcane Alliance- The Oncoming Darkness
Started on 4th June 2007-06-05

Chapter 1-

Kachina ran. Behind her a huge, demonic shadowy creature swooped through the Argale forest. Behind the creature was a village, or what had been a village. Now it looked more like a huge bonfire with the scent of death and decay wafting from it. That village had once been Kachina’s home, now reduced to a burning funeral pyre for the dead villagers. That village had once been Kachina’s home before they came. The demons. Overnight the villagers had been slayed by the bloodthirsty lot and then their houses had been set on fire. All except Kachina had been killed in the bloody massacre.

~*~

Kachina shook these thoughts out of her head vigorously and concentrated on running. Beads of sweat poured down her face and her dark brown eyes now had a terrified, hunted look. She was far to scared to cry for the loss of her village. Twice she had tripped over stray roots and cut her self but on she ran. She was determined not to become like the dead she left behind. A loud roar of the shadow demon meant that it was nearby. She risked a glance over her shoulder to see that she had been right; the demon was now closer, crashing through the trees. The demonic beast was like a cross between a dragon and bat with glowing red eyes like all the fires of hell and lethal looking clawed feet that could rip a human, like Kachina, into pieces within seconds. She knew that the demon was gaining speed…And she was losing it.

~*~

Gasping for breath, Kachina pushed herself to keep on going. Then she stopped. All these thoughts had gone to her mind, now she stood, rooted to the ground with fear, paralyzed by it. Suddenly a wild shriek pierced through the sound of her fast beating heart. Kachina woke from what seemed like hypnosis and turned around to face the oncoming force of darkness that was the demon. The beasts curved claws glinted like knives in the sunlight. She shut her eyes and put her hands over her head. Like it’s going to protect me…Kachina thought bitterly. Now she stood, praying to the gods, waiting for the terrible blow, hoping that it was a bad dream yet knowing it wasn’t……She waited for life to slip away and for darkness to overwhelm her…..


~*~
There was a screech and suddenly there was silence. The flapping of leathery wings had stopped hitting the air. Still shaking with fright, Kachina slowly opened her eyes and brought her arms back to her sides. The first thing she saw was a blinding, bright light. She winced as she narrowed her eyes and shaded her face from the glare with one hand. Then she realised that she must have been killed already and was in Paradise. Is this what Paradise is like…? She thought to herself. She took a step backwards when her foot hit something. She recoiled and spun around. The bright light had gone and the enormous bulk of the creature, that had been chasing her, lay before her. Flaming arrows and sharp spears were embedded in the demon’s hide. That was before a furry, clawed hand clamped on her mouth and the blade of a diamond shaped knife lay across her throat.

*Do you pronounce Kachina Ka- ch-I-na?*